HoW
To dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE...
At lunch time, sit in your
parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars
to see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
Find out where
your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does.
(This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to
the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.
For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Insist that your
e-mail address be:
xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com
Every time
someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
Encourage your
colleagues to join you in a little
synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Send e-mail
messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break
room.
When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back,
rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than
that."
Put decaf in the
coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with prophecy."
Adjust the tint
on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up
the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that
way.
Dont use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are.
Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Five days in
advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
Back to Shihtzumom's Home Page