***  The Deer Hunt  ***

 
  1:00 am      Alarm clock rings
  2:00 am      Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
  2:30 am      Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up
  3:00 am      Leave home for deep woods

  3:15 am      Drive back home and pick up gun
  3:30 am      Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight

  4:00 am      Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent
  4:30 am      Head out into woods

  6:05 am      See eight (8) deer
  6:06 am      Take aim and squeeze trigger
  6:07 am      "Click"
  6:08 am      Load gun while watching deer go over the hill

  8:00 am      Head back to camp
  9:00 am      Still looking for camp
 10:00 am      Realize you don't know where the camp is

 -Noon-        Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries
 12:15 pm      Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back
 12:20 pm      Strange feeling in stomach
 12:30 pm      Realize you ate poison berries

 12:45 pm      Rescued!!
 12:55 pm      Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped

  3:00 pm      Arrive back at camp
  3:30 pm      Leave camp to kill deer
  4:00 pm      Return to camp for bullets
  4:01 pm      Load gun - leave camp again
  5:00 pm      Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you

  6:00 pm      Arrive at camp.  See deer grazing in camp.
  6:01 pm      Load Gun
  6:02 pm      Fire gun
  6:03 pm      One Dead Truck

  6:05 pm      Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!
  6:06 pm      Supress strong desire to shoot partner
  6:07 pm      In doing so, stumble and fall into fire
  6:10 pm      Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
  6:15 pm      Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods

  6:25 pm      Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator
  6:26 pm      Start walking
  6:30 pm      Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud

  6:35 pm      Meet great big Bear!
  6:35 1/2 pm  Take aim
  6:36 pm      Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
  6:36 1/2 pm  Lose all control of bodily functions.
  6:37 pm      Climb tree

  9:00 pm      Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree
  9:03 pm      Feeling relieved that bear is gone
  9:04 pm      Start climbing down the tree
  9:05 pm      Fall out of tree

 -Midnight-    Home at last
 -Sunday-      Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing
               hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope,
               mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions about
               what to do with it!!

Thanks to Michael Reynolds 

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